How to Handle Conflict Without Sacrificing Your Mental Health
Author: Kathryn Lodwick-Jones
Conflict is a natural part of life, whether in relationships, at work, or within our own families. Although disagreements can be stressful, avoiding them altogether can create more issues and increase tensions. Learning how to effectively manage conflicts while preserving your mental health doesn’t have to be exhausting; here are a few ways you can handle conflicts and preserve your emotional well-being.
Regulate Your Emotions First
Anytime we are emotionally dysregulated, we are not able to be fully present in the moment. If we then choose to start a difficult conversation before regulating ourselves we risk further escalating the situation, communicating poorly, or even negatively impacting our relationships. It’s important to take a moment to check in with yourself emotionally and physically. Are you feeling tense, agitated, anxious or overwhelmed? Does your stomach feel queasy, is your heart racing, or are you having a hard time managing racing thoughts? If the answer is yes to any of these check in questions, you can practice a self-regulating technique to ground yourself. Taking deep belly breaths, taking a quick walk, engaging in progressive muscle relaxation, or even stretching and singing your favorite song can help calm your body and mind. Connecting your body and mind is necessary for successfully emotionally regulating, which is key to a productive discussion rather than an emotional outburst.
Use Clear and Assertive Communication
Becoming defensive or avoidant is often a common response when in conflict. Although these responses can deflect or protect us in the moment temporarily, they are not useful strategies for communication in the long term. Sometimes saying the thing that’s hard for us to say, moves the conversation further. Instead of aggressive or passive communication, aim for assertiveness. Assertive communication means expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly while also respecting the other person’s perspective. You can use “I” statements to share your perspective rather than commenting on the other person’s character. You can say “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel understood” instead of “You never listen to me”. By making this small shift in language, you offer your perspective without attacking the other party. This can in turn ease tension and foster more connection, curiosity, or problem-solving.
Set Boundaries Where Necessary
Not all conflicts require your full emotional investment. If a conversation becomes harmful or one-sided, it’s okay to step back. Setting boundaries is not only beneficial for our mental peace but also the integrity of the relationship. Setting a boundary to ensure a productive conversation might look like:
- Taking a break and revisiting the conversation later
- Limiting discussions with people who are emotionally draining
- Protecting your peace by not engaging in unnecessary arguments
- Redirecting from topics that have not been addressed with respect in the past
Boundaries aren’t about avoiding conflict—they’re about ensuring that conflict doesn’t take a toll on your well-being.
Practice Active Listening
Conflicts often arise from misunderstandings or ineffective communication. Instead of planning your response while the other person is speaking, focus on truly listening. Ask clarifying questions and reflect back what you hear to improve understanding. You can ask questions like:
- “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because of X. Is that right?”
- “I want to make sure I understand your point, are you saying that X?”
- “Thank you for sharing your perspective, is it okay if I take a minute to process before I respond?”
- “I’m glad you let me know about that, to help me better understand, can you clarify X?”
Asking questions with curiosity to focus on understanding shows the other person that you value their perspective, which in turn can help defuse tension.
Know When to Walk Away
Walking away from a conflict (literally and figuratively) is sometimes the last resort but best choice to prevent further escalation. Not all conflicts are worth your energy, so if a situation becomes unproductive, harmful, or verbally abusive, it might be time to disengage. Having a productive conversation or conflict resolution isn’t about who “wins” the argument, but about preserving your mental health and showing up calmly with integrity and focused on clarity. Walking away doesn’t mean you’ve lost—it means you’ve chosen to protect your peace and accept we can’t force others to hear our perspective.
Seek Mediation or Professional Help if Needed
It’s okay to ask for help when a conflict feels too volatile or overwhelming to handle alone. Consider seeking a neutral third party to help facilitate respectful and productive resolutions with family, close relationships or in the workplace. Having a mediator, therapist, or counselor can help facilitate a constructive conversation while ensuring that both sides feel heard.
Conflict doesn’t have to be damaging. By regulating your emotions, communicating assertively, setting boundaries, and practicing active listening, you can navigate disagreements without sacrificing your mental health. Remember, prioritizing your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
Equilibria is a group of licensed mental health professionals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey with multiple specialties to serve all aspects of our diverse community’s mental, emotional, and behavioral needs. We provide in person and telehealth services to individuals of all ages, families, and those in relationships. Click here to schedule an appointment today.
