Do You Know About Disenfranchised Grief?
Author: Charles Hill Jr, LPC
The term “grief” is well-known and has generally been used in reference to a death loss. What about disenfranchised grief? Disenfranchised grief is a term coined by Kenneth Doka. It refers to a loss that isn’t socially validated or acknowledged as a loss. What does disenfranchised grief look like:
- With a pet loss, someone might say, “Oh, it was only a pet”.
- With a relationship breakup, someone might say, “Oh don’t worry, your person is out there”
- With a job loss, someone might say, “It’s only a job, you’ll find another one soon.”
- When feeling down about the death of a celebrity, you might think to yourself, “Why am I feeling so down about this? I can’t tell anyone about this, if I do, they may think something is wrong with me.”
- With a friendship loss, someone might say, “Don’t be so shocked or sad about that friendship ending, just move on. You have other friends, focus on them.”
- With an incarceration or death by overdose, someone might say, “Why get emotional about it, they did it to themselves.”
Have any of you encountered this? Someone experiencing disenfranchised grief will go through many of the common grief reactions such as fatigue, problems concentrating, time disorientation, sadness, anxiousness, irritability, numbness, sleep disturbances, headaches, low mood, and changes in appetite to name a few. A critical part of healthy mourning is being able to acknowledge the significance of the connection and the loss. It also includes being able to openly express the thoughts and emotions related to the loss.
When a loss is invalidated or not acknowledged, it is as though the loss doesn’t count. This can have a negative impact on someone’s ability to mourn causing increased social isolation and distress.
If you are experiencing disenfranchised grief, here are some tips for healthy mourning:
- Remind yourself that love informs grief, not social rules.
- Communicate your needs to your family and friends.
- Identify supportive spaces and lean into those spaces.
Here are ways to support the griever so the grief is no longer disenfranchised:
- Periodically check-in.
- Listen and validate instead of trying to fix or solve.
- Ask if there are any additional ways you can support.
Know that your grief is valid. If you would like additional support in navigating your grief journey, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with one of the therapists from our Grief and Loss Counseling Center of Excellence.
Equilibria is a group of licensed mental health professionals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey with multiple specialties to serve all aspects of our diverse community’s mental, emotional, and behavioral needs. We provide in person and telehealth services to individuals of all ages, families, and those in relationships. Click here to schedule an appointment today.
