7 Do’s and Don’ts for Supporting a Loved One in Recovery
Author: Sam DeFilippo, LPC, NCC, CAADC
Supporting a loved one struggling with addiction or in recovery can be one of the most challenging, yet meaningful, experiences. Addiction impacts not only the individual but also their family, friends, and community. Understanding what to do and, just as importantly, what not to do, can make a significant difference in how well your loved one navigates their journey through addiction and recovery.
What to Do:
1. Educate Yourself About Addiction:
One of the most important things you can do is learn about addiction as a disease. Addiction is not a moral failing, but a complex condition that involves physical, emotional, and psychological factors. Recognizing that your loved one’s behaviors are influenced by their addiction can help you be more empathetic and patient.
2. Offer Unconditional Support:
Recovery can be an emotional rollercoaster, and your loved one will need consistent support. Let them know you’re there for them no matter what. This doesn’t mean enabling negative behaviors but rather showing love, understanding, and encouragement. Acknowledging their progress and celebrating even the small victories is crucial.
3. Encourage Professional Help:
Encourage your loved one to seek professional help from therapists, counselors, or addiction specialists. Attend therapy sessions with them if they are open to it. If they are in recovery, help them stay engaged with support groups,
whether it’s 12-step meetings, group therapy, or outpatient programs. Professional help provides the tools and strategies needed for long-term success.
4. Set Boundaries:
Setting clear, healthy boundaries is essential in any relationship, especially when supporting someone with an addiction. Boundaries can help protect your emotional and physical well-being while providing your loved one with the structure and accountability they need. For example, you might say, “I will love and support you, but I won’t tolerate lying or using substances around me.”
5. Be Patient and Non-judgmental:
Recovery is often a long and nonlinear process. There will be setbacks and challenges along the way. Understand that healing takes time, and your loved one may experience periods of relapse or frustration. Offer your patience and remind them that setbacks are part of the journey—not the end of it. Try to avoid criticism; your loved one is most likely already feeling these things themselves.
6. Model Healthy Habits:
As you support your loved one, demonstrate healthy habits and behaviors yourself. Engage in activities that promote mental and physical well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, and healthy eating. Your example can encourage your
loved one to embrace these practices, too.
7. Seek Support for Yourself:
Supporting someone with an addiction can be emotionally draining. It’s essential to care for your own mental health during this time. Consider joining support groups for family members of those struggling with addiction, such as Al-
Anon or Nar-Anon. These groups offer a space to share your experiences and receive guidance from others who are going through similar struggles.
What Not to Do
1. Don’t Enable Destructive Behaviors:
Enabling happens when you make excuses for your loved one’s behavior, cover up their mistakes, or take on their responsibilities. While it’s natural to want to shield your loved one from pain, overprotecting can limit their
growth. For example, giving them money for rent might temporarily ease their situation, but ultimately contributes to the cycle of addiction.
2. Don’t Take It Personally:
Addiction can cause your loved one to behave in ways that are hurtful or confusing. They may lie, manipulate, or act out of character. It’s important to remember that these behaviors are a result of the addiction, not a reflection of their love or respect for you. Avoid personalizing their actions, and try to maintain a compassionate perspective.
3. Don’t Overwhelm Them with Advice:
While it’s tempting to offer solutions, it’s important not to bombard your loved one with unsolicited advice or suggestions. Recovery is a deeply personal journey, and your loved one may need time to process their thoughts and feelings. Instead of telling them what to do, listen actively and let them express themselves. Offer guidance only when they ask for it.
4. Don’t Judge or Shame Them: Addiction carries a lot of stigma, but shaming or judging your loved one will only deepen feelings of guilt and isolation, which can lead to more destructive behavior. Avoid minimizing the challenges they face and instead of focusing on their mistakes, try to acknowledge their efforts in recovery, no matter how small. Compassion, not judgment, is key to healing.
5. Don’t Force Them into Therapy:
While treatment is an important part of the recovery process, forcing someone into it before they are ready can be harmful and break trust. Respect your loved one’s autonomy to make their own decisions about their recovery. If
someone isn’t ready to change, no amount of pressure or ultimatums will help them recover.
6. Don’t Neglect Signs of Relapse:
Relapse is often a part of the recovery process, but it’s important to address it rather than ignore or deny it. Lying about or hiding their struggles can increase feelings of shame and guilt for both yourself and your loved one.
Instead, try to view relapse as a learning opportunity, not a failure.
7. Don’t Lose Hope:
Recovery is often a long and difficult road, and there will be times when things seem hopeless. However, it’s important to remain hopeful and remind your loved one that recovery is possible. Even if they experience setbacks, express your belief in their ability to recover, and encourage them to continue on the path to sobriety.
Conclusion
Supporting a loved one with an addiction or in recovery requires a delicate balance of empathy, patience, and strength. By educating yourself, setting boundaries, and offering consistent, nonjudgmental support, you can play an important role in their recovery process. However, it’s equally important to avoid enabling behaviors, setting unrealistic expectations, or trying to pressure someone into recovery. Ultimately, both you and your loved one can benefit from an approach that emphasizes understanding, respect, and the recognition that addiction is a
chronic condition requiring long-term care and support.
Equilibria is a group of licensed mental health professionals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey with multiple specialties to serve all aspects of our diverse community’s mental, emotional, and behavioral needs. We provide in person and telehealth services to individuals of all ages, families, and those in relationships. Click here to schedule an appointment today.
