When Self-Care Becomes a Chore: Redefining What It Means to Care for Yourself

Author: Toriann Clarke

Self-care has become a buzzword, neatly packaged in pastel aesthetics and sold alongside bath bombs and wellness journals. But beneath the surface of “Instagrammable” routines and curated content lies a deeper truth: real self-care isn’t always picture-perfect. In fact, sometimes it doesn’t feel good at all.

Many of us have reached a point where self-care feels like just another item on the to-do list. Meditation? Check. Go for a walk? Check. Meal prep, hydrate, gratitude journal? Check, check, check. But if you’ve ever found yourself exhausted from trying to “take care of yourself,” you’re not alone. Self-care, in its most authentic form, isn’t about productivity or perfection, it’s about listening, adjusting, and tending to your needs in the moment, even when they don’t fit into a TikTok trend.

The Commercialization of Care

Part of the pressure comes from how self-care is portrayed. Advertisers have tapped into our need for rest and restoration, turning self-care into a marketing opportunity. The result? A version of wellness that’s more about buying things or keeping up with extensive routines than actually feeling better. We’re told that bubble baths and serums will fix our overwhelm, but true care often looks less glamorous: saying no, getting enough sleep, or having a hard conversation.

The irony is, self-care was never supposed to be cute. It was intended to be radical. Self-care in its purest form is a means of survival and resistance, a way to protect one’s mental and emotional well-being in the face of systemic oppression. Somewhere along the way, that message got watered down.

What Real Self-Care Looks Like

So what does authentic self-care actually look like? Sometimes, it’s taking a long walk. But sometimes it’s canceling that walk to stay in bed because your body is screaming for rest. It might mean:

• Setting boundaries even when it makes others uncomfortable
• Going to therapy and confronting hard truths about yourself
• Cooking a meal or ordering takeout, depending on what you need that day
• Doing the dishes so tomorrow feels less overwhelming
• Doing nothing at all, and giving yourself permission to be still

Real self-care often looks ordinary. It’s not about doing more, it’s about doing what matters for your wellbeing, even when it’s unglamorous, difficult, or inconvenient.

Shifting from Obligation to Intention

If self-care feels like a chore, pause and ask yourself: Who am I doing this for? Is it coming from a place of nourishment, or from pressure to “keep up” with some internal or external standard?

Try reframing it. Instead of making a checklist of “shoulds,” ask:

• What do I need right now?
• What would actually help me feel supported or seen?
• What can I let go of today?

Self-care is not something you “earn” or should feel “guilty” about engaging in. Self-care should support you, not drain you.

Permission to Redefine

You’re allowed to redefine what care means for you. Your version of self-care doesn’t need to look liked anyone else’s. It can change from day to day. It can be messy. It can be silent. It can be slow.

The truth is, caring for yourself isn’t always easy. But it is necessary. And when we stop trying to perfect it and start personalizing it, we can finally tap into the kind of care that actually heals and recharges us.

 

Equilibria is a group of licensed mental health professionals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey with multiple specialties to serve all aspects of our diverse community’s mental, emotional, and behavioral needs. We provide in person and telehealth services to individuals of all ages, families, and those in relationships. Click here to schedule an appointment today.