The 3 C’s to Success in Any Relationship

Author: Faith D. Gordon-Mazur, MA, LPC, NCC

For the past several years, I’ve had the privilege of overseeing the Center of Excellence for Couples Counseling at Equilibria. Since joining the practice in 2009, I’ve worked closely with couples, and more recently, I’ve been supporting, supervising, and consulting with other clinicians who share this passion for relationship work.

What’s become clear to me over time, both in the therapy room and in life, is that the tools and insights I’ve gained from working with couples apply far beyond romantic relationships. The same practices that help partners reconnect or heal can strengthen our relationships with friends, family members, colleagues, and anyone we care about.

 

The first step can often be the hardest YET if we are already considering the importance of strengthening our relationship – we are leaning in the right direction as the only way we can make/sustain change is by being willing and setting this (whatever the this is) as an intention.

 

There is a cliche that I run into often in response to “the grass being greener on the other side” which is that “the grass is actually greener where we water it” – this is so true.  When we put forth effort, the climate of our relationships will improve.  Another concept that I share a lot with clients and colleagues is that it is seemingly effortless to “FALL” in love or feel attraction; however, from that point on romantic relationships take WORK to maintain, grow, blossom, and truly evolve in a healthy manner.  Perseverance without effort may last BUT won’t be satisfying.

 

There is so much to say on this topic and I have chosen to focus on a few key areas that we can all strengthen in order to improve our relationships with others.  The areas I will highlight in this article include: connection, collaboration, and communication.  It’s no surprise that all three of these Cs are inter-related.  As we are focused on improving one area, the others will also get better; we see this ripple effect in our relationships becoming stronger across the board.

 

CONNECTION

Often when people enter counseling whether for individual or couples – there is a desire to feel more connected.  There has been so much written and researched on the significance of connection.  Simultaneously, a huge spotlight has been placed on how during a time where connecting has been made so much easier by technology people feel increasingly more lonely.  What do people mean when they reference connection?  My impression has been that the experience most people are seeking is for another person to see them, hear them, and understand where they are coming from…bearing witness to their achievements and/or challenges.

 

COLLABORATION

The concept of collaboration comes up a lot in couples therapy; how do individuals show up in the various roles as partners?  Is there such a thing as a 50/50 partnership?  Is that the goal?  Collaborating is coming together, with shared interests, and putting energy into that direction to reach a desired outcome.  This mutual desire to accomplish at home, in the workplace, during participation in hobbies or volunteering helps reduce the sense of isolation as well as reinforces shared values and illuminates the connection to one another.

 

COMMUNICATION

Finally, communication is an area that has less to do with talking and more to do with listening which has both non-verbal and verbal components.  When people hold conversations, the tendency is to focus mainly on getting their point across which can lead to misfires; if both people are talking or thinking about what to say next…there is no one doing the extremely important job of listening.  Circling back to the first two areas – connection and collaboration rely on our communication being healthy and strong, being intentional about the context and the overarching goals.

 

If you’d like to know more about how to improve these areas of your life – contact Equilibria Psychological and Consultation Services and you’ll be referred to an expert professional who can provide support and resources for navigating this important journey – allowing you to gain AND give more to your relationships.

 

Equilibria is a group of licensed mental health professionals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey with multiple specialties to serve all aspects of our diverse community’s mental, emotional, and behavioral needs. We provide in person and telehealth services to individuals of all ages, families, and those in relationships. Click here to schedule an appointment today.