Mental Health During Fertility Treatments: Coping with the Emotional Rollercoaster

Author: Kathryn Lodwick-Jones

In the United States, approximately 9% of men and about 11% of women of reproductive age have experienced challenges with fertility. Each year, ~ 12.7% of women of reproductive age will seek fertility treatment. Navigating fertility treatment can be an emotionally, physically, and often financially draining experience. Although the process may often be exhausting and isolating, here are a few tips to help you navigate the experience with more support.

Get Informed and Prepare for the Mental toll of Decision-making

Set aside time to educate yourself about your options and be proactive about any questions and concerns you may have. Navigating the hormone changes, surges, and other both predictable and unexpected shifts can be anxiety-provoking, but knowledge is power and often a lighthouse. The more you know about and understand the process, the less stress you may experience along the way. Ask questions, take notes, and do research from reputable sources about the process.

Don’t be afraid to ask clarifying questions to better understand the situation. It is your provider’s job to support and educate you, and unless you have an MD in reproductive endocrinology, you’re not expected to know everything about the process beforehand. If your clinic or provider’s office offers educational classes or informational sessions, attend as many as you’re able. Talking to others whether they’re  friends, family, or others in your clinic can help humanize the experience and reduce isolation.

Part of the fertility treatment process involves an often exhausting decision-making process. By anticipating decisions that may need to occur, you can find ways to discuss them with your provider and gain support beforehand to feel more prepared and grounded. At times, some decisions may be more emotionally impactful than others; often when they impact one’s religious or moral beliefs. It can be helpful to anticipate any concerns you have and discuss them beforehand. Counseling by either your fertility provider or a trained mental health professional specializing in reproductive mental health can support in exploring these issues and concerns to gain further clarity.

Gather your supports and Foster your relationships

One of the primary ways you can address and prevent isolation and manage stress, worries, and fears is by connecting with others and gaining emotional support. Support can look like connecting with others who have experienced or are going through the same experience, or loved ones who can serve as a distraction to talk about anything else going on in your life. As much as venting and gaining validation can feel good, it can be exhausting to constantly live in the fertility space where it may feel every moment revolves around your treatment. Having a lunch date with a friend to catch up, planning a spontaneous date night with your partner, or going for a walk with a co-worker fosters the other parts of your identity, allowing you to feel whole.

Loved ones are only as supportive as your boundaries. Decide in advance who you want to share information with about treatment and identify any concerns you may have ahead of time. Some may desire a larger support network to reduce having to reshare information, others may prefer to be more private, viewing the sharing as adding to the pressure of the experience. Don’t be afraid to look outside your usual support network and connect with others going through the same experience. Find out if your provider’s office or local hospital offers support groups. You can also check out other infertility self-help organizations, like Resolve.

Addressing ongoing relational concerns either before fertility treatment or in ongoing relational counseling is also an essential part of holistic care and support. Facilitate time to talk with your partner about both fertility and non-fertility related topics. If you find yourselves feeling consumed by the topic, set a time limit. This can look like scheduling time, or communicating “I would like to only talk about IVF for 20 minutes today”.

Acknowledge and Discuss Potential Changes

The stress of treatment and the experience of infertility can affect our emotions and relationships alike. For many, it is common to experience an increase in uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, stress, fear, sadness, overwhelm, and increased or constant worry at some point in the course of treatment.  Although this can be overwhelming, this is completely normal. Fertility can also impact our relationships and relational capacity. Navigating the emotional, physical, and financial toll treatment entails can put pressure on relationships leading to increased stress, resentment, and disappointment. Our ability to show up in relationships, be our authentic selves during a time of significant change and uncertainty, and reciprocate support is often compromised. Don’t hesitate to have open conversations with loved ones and seek professional support (couples or family therapy) if you need it.

It would be remiss to exclude the changes to the body and sense of self that can occur during treatment. Speak with loved ones, a counselor, or your provider about any concerns or challenges you’re facing regarding changes to your body.  Although changes to the body during treatment are normal, always speak with your medical provider to discuss what to expect and any concerns you have.

Nurture Your Whole Self: Tend to your mental health too!

Tending to your physical body is essential but only one part of the picture. Whether this is your first experience navigating fertility treatment or you’ve experienced a long-haul struggle, these experiences impact how we view and feel about ourselves. Oftentimes, how we feel in our bodies can also impact how we navigate the world, our relationships, and how we treat ourselves. This can cause low self-esteem, relational conflict, identity disruption, isolation, and at times, depressive symptoms. Gaining support and taking care of yourself before and during treatment is essential.

Identify your stressors and your coping mechanisms

Every individual experiences stress differently. You may be worried or concerned about different aspects of the process that someone else who is navigating the exact same experience is not concerned about. It can be helpful to identify where your stressors come from to better identify potential supports or solutions. For some, the logistical process of treatment like scheduling and making it to appointments is their primary stress, for others it may be blood draws or managing medication compliance. Navigating the uncertainty and general lack of control over the minute processes going on in your body can be overwhelming for many as well.

Plan ahead for possibly unexpected changes and or stressful situations like the waiting period after a transfer or IUI day. The 2 week waiting period can feel endless, so plan ahead how you will take care of yourself during this time and on the testing day.  Everyone’s situation is different, but anticipating the unexpected and having a support and coping plan in place is invaluable. By identifying not only what is likely to cause you stress, but how you best process and cope is a process to be practiced and not mastered over the course of treatment. For instance, you may prefer to process your emotions or discuss your fears with someone. If this is the case, attending a support group, seeking therapy or counseling, or scheduling time to speak with your partner or loved one may be an effective support. Others may prefer to engage in hobbies to distract or engage in stress reduction like exercise, creative arts, getting outside, or listening to music. Explore what you find to be most grounding and be open to being flexible about how your needs change.

Identify what deserves your energy 

When beginning fertility treatment, it is typically not the most ideal time to make other big life changes or decisions. Try to eliminate unnecessary stress and reduce unnecessary commitments or responsibilities. Although you have control over your own individual life choices, once the course of treatment begins, how it progresses and what it entails is often out of your control.  Set limits where you can based on your mental and physical capacity. Although staying in may be easier for you at certain points, know the warning signs of isolation and peri-natal depression. Educate yourself on the symptoms and let loved ones know what to look out for so they can help you in getting more support.

If you are experiencing any of the following signs of depression, don’t hesitate to seek support right away:

• Persistent sadness
• Changes in appetite
• Changes in sleeping patterns or significantly increased fatigue
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Feelings of isolation and loneliness
• Difficulty thinking about anything other than infertility or loss
• Helplessness
• Thoughts of death, dying, or suicide
• If your typical coping strategies you used to find helpful no longer seem to be working

 

Equilibria is a group of licensed mental health professionals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey with multiple specialties to serve all aspects of our diverse community’s mental, emotional, and behavioral needs. We provide in person and telehealth services to individuals of all ages, families, and those in relationships. Click here to schedule an appointment today.