A Guide for Loved Ones: How to Support a Loved One in Eating Disorder Recovery During the Holidays
Author: Kathryn Lodwick-Jones, LPC, BC-DMT, NCC
It can often feel challenging at best, to know how to support a loved one navigating eating disorder recovery during one of the most triggering seasons: the winter holidays. Whether you’re learning how to support them through an uncomfortable interaction, changing your typical plans or traditions, or simply feeling like you can’t provide the right support, it can often feel overwhelming. This article aims to equip you with practical strategies to better support your loved one during a time of year focused on connection and care, while they may be struggling with an internal battle we don’t often see.
Be an Active Listener
One of the best ways you can be effectively supportive of your loved one is to be an active listener and practice flexibility. Being fully present to hear their concerns, provide support or validation, or simply being a shoulder to vent on can be immensely relieving during an often overwhelming time. Being adaptive and flexible to changes, and open to suggestions can also make others feel more at ease and able to connect or be present. Being flexible doesn’t mean immediately accommodating someone else’s needs, ignoring our own, and lacking boundaries; it means adjusting our expectations, exploring alternative ideas, and working collaboratively to reduce excess or unnecessary stress.
Create Predictability and Open Communication
Navigating holiday engagements when you don’t know what to expect can be stress inducing. A common stressor for those in eating disorder recovery is not knowing what food will be available. Consider checking in with your loved one about their needs, preferences, and potential dietary restrictions. Ask your loved one if there are any accommodations to the meal that might make them feel more comfortable. Sharing the menu in advance or making a printed version visible at the event can help guests feel at ease.
Practice Pause and Curiosity
If you notice yourself wanting to comment on what or how someone is or isn’t eating, or if their body has changed, rather than inquiring or commenting, take a moment to consider why they might be acting this way. Maybe ask yourself, “what is so important to me about asking this question/making this comment?” or “how might my commentary be construed as critical or unhelpful; is there a different way I can connect with this person?”. Seemingly simple comments about people’s food choices and behaviors, and body changes may be well-intentioned, but can often be harmful to someone in recovery or navigating body insecurity.
Get Creative with Activities
Encourage activities focused on joy, creativity, connection, and belonging, rather than just food and eating. Of course, food is a point of connection and celebration in many cultures, but it doesn’t have to be the main event or the primary focus the whole time. Create opportunities for interaction away from the dinner table like trivia, watching old family movies, listening to a nostalgic playlist, taking a walk, going on a scavenger hunt, or playing a boardgame.
The “Yes, and…” Method
In improv theatre and comedy, it is crucial for actors to build upon the world their fellow actors have created. If your castmate says “what a fine day we’re having on the beach” and you respond “it’s nighttime, and we’re at a bus stop” it doesn’t exactly make for great comedy or an interesting story. It basically shuts down the potential journey you could be embarking on. “Yes, and” creates an in for you to add to the story or world and potentially redirect into where you’d like to see it go. A “Yes, and” style response could look like “I’m having so much fun at the beach with you, and I’m also looking forward to taking the bus home”. In the case of the real world with loved ones, this can look like “thank you for sharing your boundary/need, this is how I’m going to support you or accommodate it”. It’s about recognizing the other person’s perspective and offering an opportunity for connection or problem-solving.
Educate Yourself
Learn more about Eating Disorders and ways to support a loved one in recovery from reputable organizations and sources, including: NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association), F.E.A.S.T (Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment for Eating Disorders), and ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders).
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