5 Tips to Cope with Grief During the Holiday Season

Author: Emma Sadler, LPC

The holidays can be such a difficult time when you have grief.  Holidays are often considered an annual hallmark for celebration, community, and togetherness.  However, this year feels different for you.  Perhaps someone who should still be with you has died.  Your family has changed so much since this death, and the holidays can serve as a stark reminder of this change.  Perhaps your family has suffered a different type of loss and you are experiencing the loss and grief similar to a death. You may want to avoid these feelings related to your grief, but instead, lean into them.  As grief expert David Kessler states, “you don’t have to experience grief, but you can avoid it by avoiding love.  Love and grief are inextricably intertwined.” In other words, our grief is an expression and reflection of love.

 

Here are 5 tips to lean into love and cope with the holidays this season.

 

• Feel Your Feelings
  Naming and sitting with your feelings are the first step in healing.  While the holidays may be busy with family, be sure to give yourself some time to feel whatever feelings arise.  Find a quiet time or a quiet place and allow yourself to check in with yourself. You deserve it.

 

• Understand what Holidays Roles are Missing
  “Grandma always made the dessert.”  “Dad always dressed up as Santa.”  Loss inevitably means that there are roles that are lost.  Plan ahead to either fulfill these roles or accept letting them go to mitigate any surprises and make navigating the holidays feel easier.

 

• Create New Traditions
  The best way to remember our loved one is to maintain their legacy.  Finding new traditions can be one way to incorporate your loved one during the holiday season.  Some ways to find new traditions include: lighting a candle, saying a prayer, creating a memory box or quilt, visiting the cemetery, playing their favorite music, or eating their favorite food, to name a few.

 

• Have a Plan A and Plan B
  You do not need to do anything that does not suit your needs during the holidays.  If going to that big holiday work dinner feels wrong, allow yourself to go to Plan B.  Maybe Plan B is watching a movie, volunteering, or canceling the holidays all together for yourself this year.  That’s right.  The holidays will always be there and will come back around next year.

 

• Find Community and Self-Care
  Be direct in asking for help this season.  Seek support from friends, colleagues, or professional help.  Grief during the holidays brings up complicated emotions, and being able to surround yourself with support is important to avoid isolation.

 

Remember

The holidays can be some of the most difficult times after a loss.  So often, people feel a part of them has died with their loved one.  It is important to remember that a part of them lives on with us in their legacy.  Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up.  You may find moments of being just “okay.”  You may find moments of laughter and joy.  Be gentle with yourself.  If you need professional help, reach out to Equilibria’s Grief Center of Excellence, where there are grief counselors dedicated to helping you through your healing journey.

Equilibria is a group of licensed mental health professionals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey with multiple specialties to serve all aspects of our diverse community’s mental, emotional, and behavioral needs. We provide in person and telehealth services to individuals of all ages, families, and those in relationships. Click here to schedule an appointment today.