The Unexpected Lessons of Parenthood: A Counselor’s Journey

Parenthood can be a transformative experience, one that challenges even the most seasoned professionals in child and adolescent counseling. With over two decades of experience as a counselor and play therapist, I thought I had a solid grasp of child development. But my life took a significant turn five years ago when I became a parent myself, and it forced me to reevaluate everything I thought I knew.

In the early years of my daughter’s life, I could somewhat excuse my uncertainty by claiming that my expertise didn’t quite extend to infancy. However, as any parent knows, there’s no magical wisdom that descends upon you when your child turns three. Instead, I found myself swimming in a sea of questions, uncertainties, and self-doubt.

While I could attribute some of this to the unique challenges of parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic and coping with my spouse’s deteriorating health, the real truth is something I’ve always told the parents I work with: parenting is tough, and there are no one-size-fits-all answers. We all find ourselves guessing, following instincts, and doing our best in the moment. Sometimes we get it right, and other times, we learn from what didn’t go quite as planned.

My daughter is my daily teacher now. I’m learning the art of patience and trying to set an example for her. I’m granting myself grace as I navigate my grief and draw upon the support I’ve provided to grieving children and parents over the years to help her with her own five-year-old sadness. She’s teaching me that even in moments of sorrow, we can find joy in the simplest things – like discovering your favorite color unexpectedly or noticing the brilliance of the moon. Giving out hugs generously and declaring family members as “the best” is something we could all do a bit more, even as we grow older.

As a play therapist, I’ve always valued the power of play and playfulness throughout life. My daughter reminds me to keep playing every day because I want her to remember a childhood filled with fun and a mother who was truly present. What do your children teach you? When they look back on their youth, what do you want them to remember?

Despite the uncertainties I’ve shared in this introduction, I still consider myself an expert in caregiving and supporting the development of healthy, happy humans. If you’re seeking parent and caregiver support, play therapy for your children, or counseling and caregiver consultation, reach out to Equilibria. We have a wonderful group of experienced child therapists here who are able to provide clinical support. And if you’re a clinician looking to grow, consider joining our Child Therapy Center of Excellence or reaching out for more information on Play Therapy supervision.

Parenthood is a journey of constant learning, and I’m grateful for the unexpected lessons my daughter continues to teach me every day.