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Family Technology Guide

Navigating decision-making around technology with children and teens can feel overwhelming! This resource page offers practical guidance to help you create healthy digital habits and set appropriate boundaries. In order to support you in identifying the level of readiness for and level of access to social media, a personal cell phone, video gaming, etc., we have gathered some helpful data and highlighted some questions for you to consider in your decision-making process.

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Role of Technology | Get Curious | Build Connections | Setting Boundaries | Modeling Healthy Use | Teaching Digital Safety | First Smart Phone | Social Media & Mental Health | Problematic Gaming | Additional Resources

Considering the Role of Technology to a Young Person

When a child or teen begins to engage with technology, parents or family members often describe a shift, or feeling of growing distance, in their relationship.

Not surprisingly, the ability to connect with peers with ease and new independence (as opposed to previously needing an adult to facilitate), to engage curiously with new sources of information at their fingertips, and to find pleasure in exploring different kinds of gaming or digital art-making, offers a young audience something exciting which they may not have experienced previously.

Get Curious

Talking to your child or teen about how they are using technology can positively impact your relationship, as they are more likely to feel understood and seen. Approaching the below considerations from a place of wanting to get to know your child better may invite more helpful insight.

What does your child enjoy about the games that they’re playing? 

  • Do they enjoy having a sense of control, or following directions and getting a predictable result?
  • Are they using gaming or engaging with a device as a way to discharge stress, or as a form of avoidance or distraction?
  • Do they enjoy the creative opportunities of building or drawing on a device or in a game?
  • If it’s difficult for your child to make friends in-person: have they found a like-minded community online, or found it easier to talk to peers via chat?
  • What kinds of avatars have they created for themself? In this version of themself, how are they able to be different than they are in their everyday life?
  • Are they exploring or discovering in the games that they prefer?

Depending on the answers, you may be able to identify additional supplementary activities outside of the world of technology that could serve the same need (e.g. learning to cook by following a recipe as a way of following steps to get a predictable result, less structured activities such as nature exploration with peers as a way of serving the exploratory need, offering dance breaks, drumming, or running after school as a way to discharge stress from the school day).

Families Can Use Technology to Build Connections

There are many ways to use technology to enhance relationships between you and your child or teen. See below for a few ideas for ways to do so:

  • Play cooperative video games
  • Watch shows or movies together
  • Create a family group chat
  • Share funny videos, songs, or memes
  • Video call extended family
  • Create shared photo albums

Setting Screen Time Boundaries

Collaborating with your child to create boundaries surrounding the amount of time per day that they are permitted to use their electronic devices for non-school related tasks can help with buy-in and accountability. This is also a great way to teach time management!

Knowing that they are going to be allowed a consistent specific amount of time per day can reduce arguments, attempts at bargaining, feelings of unfairness when they see adults in the household using their devices without limits, and provide a sense of predictability which allows for the ability to learn how to manage their time effectively.

If a specific amount of screen time is allowed per day, your child can decide how they want to split it up, or if they will need to complete other tasks before or after (e.g. chores, homework, shower, etc.)

This amount will differ based on your child, your family’s routines and expectations, and how screen time impacts them specifically. Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that the quality of screen time and its impact on sleep, physical activity, and family interactions matter more than duration alone.

  • The National Sleep Foundation recommends turning off screens at least 30-60 minutes before bedtime.
  • Create tech-free zones and times that work for your household.
  • Model these boundaries yourself—children notice when rules apply differently to adults. According to Lauricella, A. R., Wartella, E., & Rideout, V. J. (2015), parental modeling strongly predicts children’s screen habits!

Resource → The American Academy of Pediatrics has provided a template to create your own “Family Media Plan” Link to Template

Resource → Child Mind Institute has a helpful guide with some more tips for how to set limits on screentime: https://childmind.org/article/how-to-set-limits-on-screen-time/

Your Child’s First Smartphone

According to a recent study (Barzilay et al, 2026) from researchers at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) in collaboration with the University of California, Berkeley and Columbia University, owning a smartphone in early adolescence is associated with increased risks of depression, obesity and insufficient sleep, when compared to not owning a smartphone. The study found that earlier age of acquisition is linked to higher rates of obesity and insufficient sleep.

Some recommend holding off on giving your child a smartphone until middle or high school, while others want their child to have their own phone at a younger age for safety reasons (e.g. if they are taking public transportation independently and need access to maps, ability to call parents, etc.)

Consider your child’s maturity level and genuine need – every family is different.

  • Talk with your child about your family’s rules and expectations. Some families use a phone agreement/contract to set expectations for when, where and how the phone can be used. Kids agree to be respectful/responsible. This might include an agreement that parents know the password and will occasionally check on texts to check for any bullying or other concerns.
  • Remind kids that getting a cell phone does not equal getting social media. Make decisions about each app separately.
  • Set expectations about phone use/disuse in the bedroom, at the dinner table, and during homework time. Ideally both parents/caregivers and kids will keep their agreed-upon boundaries.
  • Set privacy, content, contact, download and downtime settings and explain to kids why this is important to avoid running into creepy or inappropriate content.
  • Talk about how it’s going every few weeks. If kids are struggling with the phone getting in the way of sleep or contributing to arguments, problem-solve with kids about what needs to change.

Resource → AT&T/AAP phone readiness questionnaire: https://screenready.att.com/digital-parenting/

Conversation Starters:

  • “What do you think having a phone means?
  • What responsibilities come with it?”
  • “What would happen if you broke or lost the phone?”
  • How will you manage screen time?
  • What apps/games are you interested in?
  • How can having a smart phone impact your mental health?

Resource → List of alternative Devices to Consider: https://www.waituntil8th.org/devices

Teaching Digital Safety 

If you can stay approachable and curious (as opposed to judgemental), your child is more likely to come to you when something goes wrong online. A strong relationship is your best protective factor!

Teaching your child about safety online should start with conversations about safety, in general.

  1. How do you know when a person is safe to engage with? (both in person and online)
  2. Discuss the “digital footprint” of anything said or shared online. Here is a helpful video to explain this concept to children: What is a digital footprint | Online Safety for Kids | Digital Footprint for Kids | Online Safety
  3. Discuss the importance of keeping passwords and personal information private online.
  4. Review how to recognize and navigate phishing attempts or scams online.
  5. Dr. Devorah Heitner advocates for “mentoring” rather than just “monitoring.” Show genuine interest and engage in casual check-ins to Invite open communication to support future instances in which they might question their safety online or need additional support.
  6. Know which platforms your child uses and create your own accounts to understand how they work.

Resource → Internet Safety Lesson plans by grade, kindergarten – 12th (from www.commonsense.org)

Social Media and Mental Health

  1. If your child uses social media, start with private accounts. Most platforms require users to be 13 or older (Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act of 1998).
  2. The American Psychological Association (2023) recommends that adolescents’ social media use should be preceded by training in social media literacy to minimize psychological harm.
  3. Start discussions about the curated nature of social media and discuss the concept of a digital footprint.
  4. Help your child recognize harmful content and algorithmic manipulation.

What does the research say?

Excessive social media use, particularly passive scrolling and social comparison, is associated with increased anxiety and depression in adolescents (Twenge and Campbell, 2018).

Girls are particularly vulnerable to mental health impacts from social media, with research showing correlations between heavy use and higher rates of self-harm and suicidal ideation (Haidt and Rausch, 2024).

The Digital Wellness Lab suggests the 5 M’s of Digital Wellness:

  • Model
  • Mentor
  • Monitor
  • Mastery
  • Meaning

Warning Signs to Watch For:

  • Sleep problems or changes in sleep patterns
  • Withdrawal from offline activities and friends
  • Obsessive checking or inability to put phone down
  • Increased anxiety, depression, or irritability
  • Negative self-talk after using social media
  • Changes in eating habits or body image concerns

Resources:

Has My Child’s Gaming Become Problematic?

Gaming can build problem-solving skills and foster friendships (Granic et al, 2014). However, the World Health Organization (2019) recognizes “gaming disorder” when gaming causes significant impairment in personal, family, or educational functioning.

  1. Ensure gaming doesn’t crowd out physical activity, sleep, homework, and family time.
  2. Set clear time limits with warnings.
  3. Understand that some games can’t be paused—so build in buffer time.
  4. Take interest in what they’re playing.

Resource→ Common Sense Media game recommends video games by age of child: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/game-reviews

Mental Health Support and Resources

If you’re concerned about your child’s relationship with technology or notice mental health changes, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Many therapists now specialize in technology-related issues and can help families navigate these challenges.

Crisis Resources:

  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (24/7 support)
  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
  • Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth): Text START to 678678

Learn more about mental health and technology:

Websites:

Books:

  • Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family by Ash Brandin
  • The Mediatrician’s Guide: A Joyful Approach to Raising Healthy, Smart, Kind Kids in a Screen-Saturated World by Michael Rich
  • The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch
  • Screenwise by Devorah Heitner
  • The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
  • “The Amazing Generation: Your Guide to Fun and Freedom in a Screen-filled World” by Jonathan Haidt and Catherine Price
  • The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud & Ned Johnson

Rachel Greene, BC-DMT, LPC (Program Director, Child and Adolescent Therapy Center of Excellence at Equilibria Psychological & Consultation Services) sits down with screen time expert, Ash Brandin, ED.S. (@thegamereducator), author of “Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family”

References

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2016). Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics, 138(5). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-2591

American Psychological Association. (2023). Health advisory on social media use in adolescence. https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use

Barzilay R, Pimentel SD, Tran KT, Visoki E, Pagliaccio D, Auerbach RP. Smartphone Ownership, Age of Smartphone Acquisition, and Health Outcomes in Early Adolescence. Pediatrics. 2026 Jan 1;157(1):e2025072941. doi: 10.1542/peds.2025-072941. PMID: 41324306.

Common Sense Media. (2021). The Common Sense Census. https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research

Federal Trade Commission. (2013). COPPA. https://www.ftc.gov/legal-library/browse/rules/childrens-online-privacy-protection-rule-coppa

Granic, I., Lobel, A., & Engels, R. C. (2014). The benefits of playing video games. American Psychologist, 69(1), 66-78.

Haidt, J. & Rausch, Z. (2024). Social media and mental health: A collaborative review. https://jonathanhaidt.substack.com/p/social-media-mental-illness-epidemic

Heitner, D. (2016). Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive in Their Digital World. Brookline, MA: Bibliomotion.

Lauricella, A. R., Wartella, E., & Rideout, V. J. (2015). Young children’s screen time. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 36, 11-17.

National Sleep Foundation. (2023). How Blue Light Affects Kids & Sleep. https://www.thensf.org/how-blue-light-affects-kids-sleep/

Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Screen time and psychological well-being. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283.

World Health Organization. (2019). Gaming disorder. ICD-11. https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en

You know your child best. Don’t hesitate to seek support from your therapy provider if technology issues are creating stress in your family.